Thursday, November 08, 2007

Spammers Suck

While cleaning out my old emails I found some responses I'd sent to some scammer spammers. Guess these guys caught me on a bad day when the delete button just wasn't enough. My responses are in bold.

-----Original Message-----
From: Rev Thomas & Rachael David
Sent: Wednesday, July 13, 2005 7:55 PM
Subject: Hello my good friend

Dear Sir/Madam,
We are Rev Thomas & Rachael David, we print christian books and export to Europe/America. We are searching for a christain representative who can help us establish a medium of getting to our costumers in America/Canada as well as recieving payments due to our ministry. Our clients find it difficult to release payments to us because they find it difficult to make wire transfer or we have no representative closer to recieve checks from. But with you around, they can easily send the funds to you if we tell them that you are our christain brother/sister.
If you are interested in representing our ministry, we will be very glad as you shall be entitled to 5% of every total amount you recieve for us. Directives would be given to you on how to send the funds across to us.
Please contact us for more information. Subject to your satisfaction you will be given the opportunity to negotiate the mode of which we will pay for your services as our representative in America. There is no more responsibility than this like travelling to meet them or spending money from your pocket.
I hereby request you forward any proof of your identities, your current telephone and fax numbers including your forwarding address to establish trust and business relationship and also to enable us inform our clients to communicate with you.
Remain blessed
Rev Thomas & Rachael David

To whom it may concern:

In an effort to promote education, I have included color-coded editing to your email below. Red words are misspelled, and blue words indicate a grammatical error which may include punctuation, subject-verb agreement, or other egregious errors. Rather than earn money by scamming hard-working people, perhaps you should further your education and attempt to obtain honest employment. If you would like me to edit further works of creative writing, please include the words "for editing" in the subject of the email.

Thank you,

-----Original Message-----
From: Darren Wheeler []
Sent: Wednesday, October 13, 2004 12:00 AM
To: Public Services Division
Subject: Charity Assistance.

Hi all my name is Darren, I have never asked for charity before but when I typed it in a search engine I came up with your email address. My wife had a car accident last year, shattered her back in a few places and now is paralyzed. I spent 9 years in the British Army and am now disabled, we have two kids. We are extremely poor and are in need of assistance. Our car is on its last leg and we really need a wheelchair accessible dependable vehicle. In addition the house we live in is extremely old and the doors (except for the front) will not allow for a wheelchair to pass through them. So we need a dwelling which will allow for a wheelchair to pass through the doors. In addition this will give her a sense of "independence" to where she can move freely about the house and can bathe in the bathroom. What's sad is.... I have searched the internet only to my disgust. It seems all these charity sites only want to take things, and don't provide a place for a "needy" person such as ourselves to apply. One of them, wont say which, but seemed to be a popular one, provided a contact email, which didn't even work In conclusion, I appeal to your conscience to send whatsoever the Lord lays in your heart to give to help us out of this condition. Please feel free to reach me at my personal email address: Sincerely, Darren L. Wheeler

How stupid do you think we are? You sent this to a department at a university. Remove our address from your list. Your emails have been forwarded to and the United States Secret Service.

I totally did send that one off to and the Secret Service too (although now it seems the FTC is the one to report to). Doubtful that anything happened, but you never know.

Death to Spammers & Scammers! (Or at least long, miserable, internet-less stints in prison)