Friday, September 25, 2009

And the merry go round goes round

And another week passes without a post.

Nicky's fish is all but forgotten. Tom almost replaced him, but decided against it. I think we'll wait for a few years before we get another little, vulnerable pet. Nicky does better with pets that can take his heavy-handed affection.

School is back to being a big pain in my butt. I'll be up tonight and tomorrow finishing up another assignment. Along with Tom. This leaves Nicky and his Nana to fend for themselves tomorrow. The plan is for Nana to take him for a haircut. He's getting pretty shaggy and he has school photos on Tuesday.

Monday we're taking him to the pediatrician. We're getting his vision and hearing screened and we're going to talk with the doctor about Nicky's behavior issues at school. Nicky already snores a bit, and with our family histories of sleep apnea (did I mention that Tom is now diagnosed too?) we're on high alert. We'll talk about it with the doctor though. Sleep apnea in kids sometimes displays as ADD/ADHD symptoms, so maybe that could be a contributing factor.

But then again, he is THREE you know? I mean, how much should we really be expecting from him? Right now he's failing "nap time" at school. Which to be honest sounds totally stupid. He gave up naps about a year ago. And the only nap he kept after he turned 2 was his late afternoon nap from about 3-5pm. Right now they expect him to nap for 1.5 hours starting at noon. I just don't see it happening. Tom and I have a meeting scheduled with the teacher next week to discuss it. I think they're going to need to make some accommodations for him. We'll see what the teacher says to that though.

It's awful how quickly all your parenting confidence can go spiraling down into the abyss of doubt. A month ago I was convinced we were awesome parents, putting him in the very best school that money could buy. And now I'm worried that he's in too strict an environment and maybe they are crushing his spirit.

Can we stop this ride? I'd like to get off.

Friday, September 18, 2009

RIP Fishy

This morning Tom woke up when Nicky crept into our room. It was early, probably around 4am. We just pulled him into bed with us and let him fall asleep between us. Around 6:30am Tom asked if I could put him back in his own bed. I went ahead, and then realized I was pretty awake. I knew I could go back to sleep for an hour, but I also knew I'd probably be a LOT more tired if I tried that. So I went ahead and got showered and planned to spend some quiet time reading on the sofa.

Nicky woke up right as I was getting ready to settle in and read. He didn't want to watch TV, he wanted to go pet Abbey. So he went in the kitchen and cuddled on the floor with the dogs for a while. It was funny, Abbey sneezed and Nicky said "Ewww!" and then kindly reminded her "Abbey, you have to cover your sneezes." I guess he hears that a lot at school.

I told him he could let the dogs outside and then when they scratched he could let them inside. He let them all out, and then closed the door. He's getting so big! Then he wanted to feed his fish. I said sure, and reminded him to only give the fish 3 pieces of food. He held out three fingers perfectly and said "three, three foods, three fingers." Something else they must be working on at school. He'd had problems holding up three fingers not too long ago.

When Benjamin scratched at the door, Nicky was on a chair feeding his fish on the kitchen counter. It's a beta fish. The one he got for his 3rd birthday. Exactly 6 months ago actually. He told Benjamin to "be quiet" and then went to let all the dogs in. He closed the door again. Very nice to be able to let him "walk the dogs" in the morning! This might have to be a new chore of his.

He went back to the fish. He loves watching his fish. He was quiet for a while, so I asked him what he was doing. "Nothing" was his response. I should have been suspicious then, but he was quiet. No giggling like he does when torturing the dogs by playing with their feet or chasing them with a broom. I kept reading. A few minutes later I hear him say quietly, like he was talking to himself, "fishy will be okay."

Crap. I knew before I even rounded the corner what I was going to find. The water in the fishbowl was cloudy, I could see the fish wasn't floating yet, but he was lying at an unnatural angle in the water, nose down in the black river rocks. Dead.

The cloudy water, water on the countertop, wet hands, dog hair floating in the fishbowl. It was pretty obvious what had happened. Nicky tried to pet his fish. Maybe even got a hold of him and held him for a while. Out of the water. He always wanted to pet his fish, we'd told him he couldn't, told him fish were not for petting. Told him it would hurt the fish if he touched it, or put anything in the bowl other than food. it's been weeks, maybe months since he's messed with the fish.

But now it was too late for admonishing. I wasn't really prepared to have this conversation with Nicky. He's only 3 and hasn't ever been exposed to death. Not in any way other than maybe seeing it on a Disney video in the abstract way they portray it in animation.

I told him his fish was dead. It wasn't alive anymore. I tried to stay matter of fact and tell him I was sorry and that we better go tell daddy. We went together to wake up Tom. Tom was upset and sleep mazed. He probably spoke harsher than he would have if he'd had fair warning, but he picked Nicky up and held him. I went to get the fishbowl and we all went to the bathroom. I said it was time to say goodbye to fishy, and put him in the toilet. Nicky was very upset by this, and started to cry. Tom held him and cuddled him while I flushed Nicky's first fish.

He cried for a few minutes and I held him on the sofa. After a while he hid under a blanket on the other side of the sofa and then sat up calmly. He looked at me and said, "Fish don't go in the toilet. They go in the water." I agreed and said, "but your fish is dead now. He's not alive any more. Dead fish go down the toilet." At this point I realized I may have very well set us back in the potty training department. I wish I'd thought of that before.

We dressed Nicky quickly and all went to take me to work. Tom was keeping Nicky home from school anyway as it was an early dismissal day and 3 hours hardly seemed worth it. When I got out of the car I again told Nicky I loved him and I was sorry about his fish dying, and that he might feel sad about it, but that was okay.

This parenting thing is hard.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A goal met

I know I promised Nicky photos, and they ARE coming, but I don't have them right now so you get this.

I went to my WW meeting Saturday. And...

I've lost 35 pounds since Mother's Day.


I went from there to a spa for a mani/pedi and that was blissful. I also have a hair appointment for tomorrow. Getting my tresses pampered and curled the way I like it. Even if it's not the fashion. Will post photos when I'm all beautified.

Also, tomorrow...

Our 15th wedding anniversary.

BooYA! We rock!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Sometimes my morbidity scares me.

What am I dwelling on today? Death. Big surprise there.

Specifically, being left behind. How much pain does a death cause? If you lose a parent, is that more painful than losing a spouse? Is losing a child worse than losing your soulmate? What about if your child is an adult and married to their own soulmate? Whose pain will be greater, yours or your son/daughter-in-law's?

It doesn't really matter I guess. Just trying to put it all into perspective. Maybe if I think of all this in advance it won't catch me by surprise? No, probably won't help at all. But I can't help thinking about it. Especially when it seems so many people are dealing with these variations of pain.

Back to your regularly scheduled cute Nicky photos and stuff later. Promise!

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Onwards and Upwards

We're heading out tomorrow to visit the North GA crew. Nicky has been talking about Georgia and Aunt Jessie nonstop since April, so it's about time.

I have no qualms about telling the internets that we'll be away since we have a house/pet sitter coming to stay, and she has a big, scary husband. Not actually kidding either, his nickname is Mad Max, and lives up to it. Nicky loves him though and not scared of him in the least. I think he thinks Max is a real pirate.

Anyway, the original plan was to hit GA right at peak blueberry time. But apparently there isn't really anything on the blueberry trees this year. (Yes, they are blueberry trees. We don't have bushes. Although from what I hear my dad is busily pruning a few of the 15ft trees into bushes so that you can actually reach the berries.) So I'm a little bummed about that. But I happen to know they have a freezer FULL of berries from years gone by, so I'll be getting my yearly dose of antioxidants in any case.

And I'll have loads of photos when I get back I'm sure.

The chickens have grown up,
Nicky loved feeding Grandpa's chickens

there's a tractor to ride,
Going for a tractor ride!

and cousins to play with! This time there will be even more kids to play with. Nicky's going to have a ball.