At some point Tom came in with Nicholas. He was just beautiful! I got to hold him for a few minutes, and we tried to get him latched on. But he was grunting and although he clamped down a few times he seemed really uncomfortable. The nurse came and took him over to the warmer to listen to his lungs. It sounded like he had a bit of mucus still in them, so she suggested she and Tom go ahead and start his bath to get him crying to see if that would clear his lungs.
First they washed his hair, which he was fine with. Then they started wetting him all over to bathe him, which definitely got him upset! Poor little guy! I was in the bed, watching, calling my boss with the news and talking with my mom. I remember the nurse saying he needed to return to the nursery for assessment because he was breathing too fast and still grunting. Tom and I agreed it was best to err on the side of caution and have him checked out.
The next thing I remember was a nurse coming in and telling us that they had done a chest x-ray of Nicky and he had some mucus in his lungs. They had him receiving oxygen and were monitoring him. I wasn't really worried though. They said it was pretty common for c-section babies to have a bit of extra fluid in their lungs since they aren't squeezed through the birth canal. After talking with Tom about this for a moment I fell back to sleep.
I started waking up soon though because my nose started itching so badly. As soon as I would put on my CPAP mask (which keeps me breathing when I'm sleeping-I have sleep apnea) I would have to rip it off my face to rub my nose! It itched like mad! This continued on through the night. My nurse gave me nubane, which is an IV pain med that is also supposed to help with the itching. That didn't help, and it wasn't long before everything else started itching too. I was also really hot and sweaty. Quite an uncomfortable night. Oh, and by morning Tom had the cold too. At one point a nurse came in and asked if they could please give Nicky a pacifier so he could self-soothe a bit since they couldn’t hold him. Tom and I agreed, knowing there was a risk of nipple confusion, but he needed some kind of way to sooth himself. Poor baby!
Saturday I tried resting. They finally hooked me up to something that counteracted the pain med that was making me itch. By the time it kicked in my poor nose was rubbed raw. I think I slept off and on, but I was starting to get anxious to see my baby. To see him I would have to go to the nursery since he couldn’t come to me. My nurse helped me get up to go to the bathroom and clean up. I still had a catheter, so didn’t have to go to the bathroom or anything, which considering how slowly I was moving, that was a good thing! I washed my face and brushed my teeth too, which succeeded in making me both clean and dizzy. Then I sat in the rocking chair for a bit while the nurse went in search of a wheelchair for me. I was so excited to see my baby!
When I finally got to see him it was wonderful. I didn’t get to hold him, but I could touch him a little bit as long as I didn’t stimulate him too much. My memory of this visit is a bit fuzzy. I remember how perfect and beautiful he was, and that he had his IV in his left hand. The tape was making his poor skin all red, just like it did mine. I got to go see him a few times that day, and they moved me to a smaller postpartum room around 6 pm. There I finally got off the catheter and was down to a hep-lock instead of getting fluids via IV.
I made it through most of the day fine, but it was getting harder as the day wore on. Finally I just broke down and cried my eyes out. I wanted to hold my baby so badly. He’d gone from being inside me 24 hours a day to being completely away from me for over 24 hours. I thought my heart was going to break. Late that night though I talked to one of the nurses about maybe using a canula for a little while on Sunday so that I could hold him for a while. She thought that was a definite possibility since he only needed 30% oxygen anyway. I held onto that thought through the night. I also was set up with a breast pump and started pumping colostrum for him like crazy. They gave it to him in his feeding tube when it was a lot (around 5-10 ml sometimes!) and just put it on his binkie when it was only a little bit.
In the morning my doctor took out my drain and the hep-lock, threatening that if I didn’t keep up with drinking water they’d put in a new IV. That worked! I started forcing fluids like crazy! I took my first shower, which was wonderful! I got dressed in my only nursing gown and went to see my boy. When I finally got to hold him I swear I was in heaven! I will never ever take holding Nicky for granted! We even tried nursing some. Between Tom and I if he held Nicky with two hands and I held my breast with two hands we could get it to work for a while, but it was really difficult between the size of my boob and the jaundice making Nicky sleepy he would mostly just get really relaxed and fall asleep. Poor little fella!
So while Friday was a lot of excitement and Saturday was a lot of crying, Sunday was heavenly! Then came Monday! And on Monday we were really having a lot of trouble getting Nicholas to latch on at all. He was so tired from the jaundice he’d just fall straight to sleep. We met with the lactation consultant and she suggested pumping, giving him that via bottle and then making up the difference up to 30ml with formula. We had to get rid of the jaundice to get him to work on nursing. I cried, but agreed that was best for him. Also as soon as he was eating regularly by mouth we could take out his IV and leave him with only a hep-lock for his doses of antibiotics. And I wanted that IV OUT of my baby!! So I pumped every 2-3 hours and my milk came in that day. I was getting around 10-20ml each pumping session and he’d get that first and then whatever amount of formula he needed to get up to 30ml a feeding. He was off the IV by evening, and around 7pm or so he was able to come to the hospital room to be with me instead of being in the nursery!
Now, Tom had spent the night at home Sunday night, and he needed to do the same Monday night. (Remember he was getting over that cold he caught, and he had to watch the dogs.) I was also discharged from the hospital on Monday evening .(Against my will I might add, I think the law says they have to cover 98 hours after a c-section, but no one would listen to me.) That meant I was now “boarding” at the hospital. They all assured me it was just the same except I wouldn’t have a nurse of my own and would have to take my own meds and buy my own meals. Ok, Fine. Well Nicky and I had a blissful night together Monday night. I changed his diapers, fed him, pumped for him, held him, talked to him, sang to him, and we listened to Enya together. He was just the perfect baby! I didn’t sleep all night, but that was fine. I knew Tom would be coming in the morning to bring me food and I could sleep while Tom watched Nicky during the day.
In the morning, Tom came to see me, bringing food with him. I was absolutely incoherent I was so tired. I hadn’t really slept since Thursday night for any length of time, so I was pretty wiped out since it was now Tuesday morning. I took one bite of my food when a nurse came in. I was expecting the lactation consultant, so when she said “I’m the person you don’t ever want to see” I was a bit confused. Until her next words came out… “We need your room.”
Apparently they were going to be doing a bunch of gynecological surgeries that day and were kicking out all the borders. I held it together while she told Tom what we had to do, but the second she left, I completely broke down. I had only just gotten my baby, and now I was going to have to leave him there at the hospital and go home without him.
Tom packed up our stuff while I cried and held my baby boy. My step-mother in law, J.M., came to help. We took Nicky to the nursery and I sat with him while Tom and J.M. packed the car. Eventually we left, picked up some food (I hadn’t eaten since that first bite that morning) and drove home. Tom was wonderful to me. I was still in a lot of pain and had a hard time moving around. He fed me dinner and we both went to bed. I slept until 10pm when I heard Tom on the phone with the nurse. He was checking on Nicky, and had to read the numbers on my wristband to confirm who we were. Nicky was doing great and was eating, peeing and pooping perfectly.
So the rest of my week was spent going back and forth between Citra and the nursery. We’d shower and pack up all the milk I’d expressed overnight then head to the hospital. Then we’d snuggle with Nicky all day at the nursery until he got his evening dose of medicine, tuck him in with kisses and head home to crash.
Then came Friday, March 24th! And Nicky came home!
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