Wednesday, July 01, 2009

In which I bitch about being poor and it being my own damn fault.

While I've been overwhelmed with the expectation that my next post would be a play by play of our fab Disney trip, the world has continued spinning. Go figure.

School and work are all-consuming and the tiny amount of time I have carved out to be with Nicky is too sacred to spend on the computer.

But it's about time I get back to updating here anyway.

Right now I'm all stressed out over money. Who isn't these days right?

Well I have the one side of me that's all feeling like a horrible, lousy provider because I just cannot swing the $ to refill Nicky's (or mine and Tom's for that matter) prescriptions until tomorrow. So he went without his asthma meds tonight. I have the other side that says I'm being too hard on myself, I'm doing the best I can with what we've got and things will improve in September. And heck, if I hadn't been such a massive pain in the ass with his doctors he'd have never even been diagnosed with asthma, so surely that counts for something and dammit he's not going to die from missing one day of his inhaler that he didn't even have until a month ago.


Ack, I still feel horrible.

The negative thoughts that overwhelm me when my finances are in the toilet are just crushing. We overextended ourselves with that trip by about 1500 and now we're struggling to make it until September. Then I can replenish the savings account and we'll pay off the car. And that's it. No more big trips or purchases for a good long time.

Well, maybe one. We're looking at replacing the carpet in the living room and two bedrooms with wood laminate flooring. It was recommended that we get rid of the carpets for Nicky's and my allergies, so that will actually be tax deductible according to our allergist. He has to write it up officially or something, and then we can claim it as a deduction next year. And I think even having it installed is only going to be about $2500. We have a tiny house.

We're actually not replacing the carpet in the den/guest room. We have plans to renovate that room that would mean ripping it all out again later anyway, so we'll just wait till we're ready to tackle that sometime in the future.

I can't be the only person with these negative thoughts. In fact, I'm sure I'm not. I get so down on myself, especially when it's a financial thing. I KNOW I can do better. I know I should have reigned us in more on that trip or have forgone it altogether. But it's too late now, and I need to stop mentally flaying myself about it already.

But it's hard when now I'm looking at possibly having to take Nicky out of school for two months because I just can't afford it. Dammit.