We're still fighting the good fight here against the binky-withdrawls. Nothing as bad as the first night, but when Nicky gets upset he really has a hard time calming himself down without his binkies. He really relied on them to help him regain his composure as well as go to sleep.
The first night was really hard. Nicky cried himself to sleep in my arms, then later woke crying and had to be soothed by both Tom and I for about 45 minutes. But after that he finished out the rest of the night fine.
The second night he whimpered a bit going to bed, but went to sleep. But then he woke up at about 4am. Tom got up with him and soothed him back to sleep.
The third night actually went fairly well. He cuddled with Tom and fell asleep fine. And then he stayed asleep all night. That was Thursday.
Last night he had a hard time going to sleep again. He'd had a really busy day, with some unpleasantness. And I think he was overly tired. Then he woke up about midnight and cried for a long time. I went in with him, but he kept crying. When he cries now he sounds so sad and says "Daddy" over and over again. It's really heartbreaking.
I asked him if I should go get Daddy. He said "No." I asked him if he wanted to "rock-a-bye baby." (Our code phrase for sitting and rocking with me.) But he said "no." I asked if he wanted me to go. And he said "no." And then I asked him if he wanted me to stay and he said "yes." So I sat by his bed. He didn't want me to rub his back or anything though.
I talked with him and told him he could get himself under control and stop crying. You know, trying to encourage him. But he just said "I don't want to stop crying." It just breaks my heart!
He's mourning the loss of his binkies. It was hard again tonight for him to settle down and go to sleep. But it was his birthday party today, so he'd had a lot of company, excitement and sugar. So no big surprise that he had a hard time settling down. Not as much crying though. He was too tired for much. Tom and I are sleeping in his room tonight since we have company staying over. So at least we'll be close by if he wakes tonight.
This is such a huge step for him. He's had at least one binky available to him ever since that first night in the hospital when the nurses came and begged us to let him have a binky. He was in the special care nursery and they said he really needed it to help him self-soothe. He hadn't nursed yet at all because of his trouble breathing, and I was still so out of it from exhaustion and drugs after the c-section. We'd originally not wanted him to have a binky because of nipple-confusion, but then again we didn't want him to be separated from us and having breathing trouble, on oxygen, with IVs either. The binkies really have been bringing him comfort from day one.
I feel so guilty taking his binkies away so suddenly, but the doctor pointed out to Tom that they're starting to effect his teeth. They really have to go.
I know we can't give in. It would just make it that much worse later. I've thought about taking the one that Tom found and saved (he just couldn't bring himself to throw it away) and maybe cut the nipple of it and give it to him as something to hold onto but not use. But I think that would just make it worse too. I think we just have to be as nice to him as possible, help him try to find other ways to relax into sleep and calm himself down, and stay the course.
But man this is so hard.