Did I tell you that on Thanksgiving Nicky found out how well coffee beans fit in his nostrils?
No?
Well they're a perfect fit.
Luckily I was able to get it out myself, because I was really not looking forward to that ER visit.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Playground photos & Thanksgiving
JM brought over photos of Nicky that she took at the playground of him. This was back when Tom and I were still recovering from our stomach flu, but we were out of the hospital. He has a ball at this playground. They have three separate playsets, one for 1-3 year olds, one for 4-8 year olds, and one for 8-12 year olds. (or something along those lines)
Well Nicky doesn't pay any attention to those age designations. He loves climbing all over all the sets. JM got a few photos of him coming down the really big slide and climbing up on the big playset. He's getting so big.
He also loves the merry go round, even when it's going really fast with the bigger kids.
I do have to say though, taking him to the playground is exhausting. I imagine that at some point you can sit on a bench and just watch them play. But right now he still doesn't know to watch where he's running. So you have to follow him around to make sure he doesn't run right under the swings or in front of a slide. I wonder how old they have to be before they learn to look out for things like that?
We had a nice quiet Thanksgiving this year. Just us, Grandpa and Grandma. Tom did the Turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy. JM took care of the bread and dessert. They worked on the stuffing together. And I made sweet potato fries and green bean casserole. Oh, and cranberry sauce of course. (You know, the canned kind. Yum!)
Nicky ate rolls and cranberry sauce. That was it. I tell you, Nicky's not much of an eater anymore. We fondly remember the good old days when he'd eat anything we were having. Not any more! In fact, yesterday he ate cheerios in milk for all three meals of the day.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Snuggles and Cuddles
When I had Nicky via unplanned c-section (which sounds much more relaxed than emergency c-section doesn't it) I was initially holding it all together pretty well. It was a Friday night and Nicky was in the Special Baby Unit (which sounds much better than the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit right) but I was doped up on all sorts of stuff and barely able to move my head anyway. I was absolutely sure he was just fine and this was just a normal thing they did with c-section babies to make sure they were ok.
Well it was about Saturday evening when I lost my shit. I'd been trying to stay focused on pumping and being positive and happy, but finally I realized I'd gone from having 24/7 contact with my baby to not even being able to hold him for a full day. I just felt like my heart had been ripped from my body and was being held hostage.
I remember that my mom was actually relieved to finally see me cry. She had been worried that I was so calm about him being away from me for so long. I remember my nurse coming in and we talked about maybe I'd be allowed to hold him the next day if they could get him to the point where he could use a cannula instead of the tent. Other than that though, I remember very little now other than crying while trying desperately to pump enough colostrum for him to make up for not being there holding him every single second. It was during this time, and the week that followed, that I pledged to never, ever take holding my son for granted.
He's only 2 now, but I can honestly say I've kept that promise. Just the other night, Nicky was sleeping in the car when Tom picked me up from work. He woke up when we got home, but was still tired. I carried him in, and sat in his room rocking him for as long as he'd let me.
Later, Tom had already gone to bed and I'd stayed up far past my normal bedtime. I was in the bathroom finally getting ready to go to sleep when I heard Nicky's door open. I called softly to him to come out to me, but no answer. I peeked out of the door and could just see his little head lying on the floor in his doorway. I'm not sure if he slept walked or just was too tired and laid down, but he was sleeping on his legs in his doorway. I went and picked him up and rocked him again for a while until he asked to "go bed." And I tell you, I just can't get enough of holding him like that.
For a long time when Nicky was first home there was nowhere he'd really sleep for long other than right on Tom or I. It took us 3 weeks of getting sleep in 10-15 minute snatches to realize what we needed to do. From 3 weeks to 5 months, Nicky slept every night on my chest as I slept in my oversize recliner. (I'm actually sitting in it now as it's become my laptop chair.) Tom would get up with Nicky for the 2am feeding, change him and then lay him back down with me to sleep. Tom got to sleep in the bed right next to us, but I got to sleep most of every night which worked out beautifully for us both.
When Nicky was 4 months old we were told it was time to move him to the crib and cut out the 2am feeding. We tried it for maybe 2-3 days. It was just too much for him at one time though and so we went back to having him sleep on me, but still cut out the feeding. That worked really well. During the next month, Tom worked on having Nicky take some of his naps in his crib, and then at 5 months old Nicky started sleeping in his crib at night.
Oh we had a lot of rough nights of having to get up and put the binky back in for him. But finally we gave up and put him on his tummy. That helped keep the binky in place and he slept so much better. (I know, I know, back to sleep. But he had a binky, breathable bumpers, a fan, non-smoking house and parents, and no pillows, blankets or toys in his crib. And we were TIRED.)
Anyway, after learning to sleep in his crib, Nicky never, ever fell asleep anywhere else (except carseat and swing of course). That's held true to this day. I recall my Godson Collin falling asleep once IN his toybox, on top of toys even in the midst of playing. Not Nicky. And once he gave up the bottle, there was really no cuddling anymore either. He was just too busy to sit that still. Places to climb and things to do.
It's only been the last few months probably, maybe even only the last few weeks, that Nicky's gotten more cuddly. Tom found an old glider for us, cleaned it up and we have it in Nicky's room. And he'll actually let me rock him in it. It's heavenly.
Well it was about Saturday evening when I lost my shit. I'd been trying to stay focused on pumping and being positive and happy, but finally I realized I'd gone from having 24/7 contact with my baby to not even being able to hold him for a full day. I just felt like my heart had been ripped from my body and was being held hostage.
I remember that my mom was actually relieved to finally see me cry. She had been worried that I was so calm about him being away from me for so long. I remember my nurse coming in and we talked about maybe I'd be allowed to hold him the next day if they could get him to the point where he could use a cannula instead of the tent. Other than that though, I remember very little now other than crying while trying desperately to pump enough colostrum for him to make up for not being there holding him every single second. It was during this time, and the week that followed, that I pledged to never, ever take holding my son for granted.
He's only 2 now, but I can honestly say I've kept that promise. Just the other night, Nicky was sleeping in the car when Tom picked me up from work. He woke up when we got home, but was still tired. I carried him in, and sat in his room rocking him for as long as he'd let me.
Later, Tom had already gone to bed and I'd stayed up far past my normal bedtime. I was in the bathroom finally getting ready to go to sleep when I heard Nicky's door open. I called softly to him to come out to me, but no answer. I peeked out of the door and could just see his little head lying on the floor in his doorway. I'm not sure if he slept walked or just was too tired and laid down, but he was sleeping on his legs in his doorway. I went and picked him up and rocked him again for a while until he asked to "go bed." And I tell you, I just can't get enough of holding him like that.
For a long time when Nicky was first home there was nowhere he'd really sleep for long other than right on Tom or I. It took us 3 weeks of getting sleep in 10-15 minute snatches to realize what we needed to do. From 3 weeks to 5 months, Nicky slept every night on my chest as I slept in my oversize recliner. (I'm actually sitting in it now as it's become my laptop chair.) Tom would get up with Nicky for the 2am feeding, change him and then lay him back down with me to sleep. Tom got to sleep in the bed right next to us, but I got to sleep most of every night which worked out beautifully for us both.
When Nicky was 4 months old we were told it was time to move him to the crib and cut out the 2am feeding. We tried it for maybe 2-3 days. It was just too much for him at one time though and so we went back to having him sleep on me, but still cut out the feeding. That worked really well. During the next month, Tom worked on having Nicky take some of his naps in his crib, and then at 5 months old Nicky started sleeping in his crib at night.
Oh we had a lot of rough nights of having to get up and put the binky back in for him. But finally we gave up and put him on his tummy. That helped keep the binky in place and he slept so much better. (I know, I know, back to sleep. But he had a binky, breathable bumpers, a fan, non-smoking house and parents, and no pillows, blankets or toys in his crib. And we were TIRED.)
Anyway, after learning to sleep in his crib, Nicky never, ever fell asleep anywhere else (except carseat and swing of course). That's held true to this day. I recall my Godson Collin falling asleep once IN his toybox, on top of toys even in the midst of playing. Not Nicky. And once he gave up the bottle, there was really no cuddling anymore either. He was just too busy to sit that still. Places to climb and things to do.
It's only been the last few months probably, maybe even only the last few weeks, that Nicky's gotten more cuddly. Tom found an old glider for us, cleaned it up and we have it in Nicky's room. And he'll actually let me rock him in it. It's heavenly.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Tears of Motherhood
Before Nicky came along sure, I'd feel bad when I'd hear about people being hurt in disasters, crimes, accidents, heck even the movies. Maybe even cry for perfect strangers, yes, even fictional ones.
But ever since having Nicky I cry at the drop of a hat it seems. A song, an ad, a news story, a blog post, a speech, a kid's story. (Gawd, so many of his books I can't even READ to him because I bawl so hard by page two.)
I'd noticed this not long after giving birth. At first I just chalked it up to hormones. Then sleep-deprivation. But he's two and a half now. He sleeps through the night. I have no excuses anymore for my proclivity to dissolve into an empathetic mess.
Am I the only one? Is this a normal part of motherhood?
But ever since having Nicky I cry at the drop of a hat it seems. A song, an ad, a news story, a blog post, a speech, a kid's story. (Gawd, so many of his books I can't even READ to him because I bawl so hard by page two.)
I'd noticed this not long after giving birth. At first I just chalked it up to hormones. Then sleep-deprivation. But he's two and a half now. He sleeps through the night. I have no excuses anymore for my proclivity to dissolve into an empathetic mess.
Am I the only one? Is this a normal part of motherhood?
Friday, November 21, 2008
It's just not working
We're all well again (finally!) sorry I've been lax about posting. Grad school is eating up all my fun computer time. I can't even tell you how behind I am on my blog-reading, much less posting. If not for my Twitter-fox popping up in my browser I'd feel totally disconnected from all my bloggy pals.
As for something different than a discussion of bodily functions...oh, well actually this is about that too...
Basically we've been trying to score a baby brother or sister for Nicky for a while now. We tried the "now that you've had a baby you're body will understand what to do and you'll get pg without help" method. No go.
We've tried the jump on and off the pill just to see if it works. Nope.
We've tried just the Metformin alone. Uh uh.
We've tried the magical mystical Metformin/Clomid combination that scored us Nicky for THREE full cycles. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zero.
Ovaries: "No eggs for you!"
Now we're on a break for at least one cycle. I was too busy last week with being sick to even think about calling to see what we'd do next so I don't even know what my next steps will be. I'm still on the Metformin, so I suppose it's possible (though remotely) that just that could result in an egg drop, but I'll not be holding my breath.
Depressing as it is, and it is, I do have to say that infertility issues this time are not anywhere NEAR as painful as they were before we had Nicky. I've read on message boards and such that secondary infertility, or problems having a subsequent child, were just as horrible as trying to have your first. I privately doubted it, but didn't ever say so, since from my perspective of having no kids I couldn't really tell what someone could be going through.
But I am standing up now and proclaiming that once you've had one child, infertility is NOT the same. Because you know what? I can pee on my stick, see that lonely single line and then go hug my boy. Even if we never get pregnant again, I have been able to experience pregnancy and childbirth and have my precious boy. It just doesn't hurt as much this time.
Now I'm not trying to be cavalier about someone's very real pain. Infertility does hurt. It hurts to feel betrayed by your body, to feel you have a piece of yourself, your family, missing. But from my point of view, from having 11 years of no pregnancy, no baby, and after a while, no hope of a baby...well this isn't nearly as bad.
But it still sucks.
As for something different than a discussion of bodily functions...oh, well actually this is about that too...
Basically we've been trying to score a baby brother or sister for Nicky for a while now. We tried the "now that you've had a baby you're body will understand what to do and you'll get pg without help" method. No go.
We've tried the jump on and off the pill just to see if it works. Nope.
We've tried just the Metformin alone. Uh uh.
We've tried the magical mystical Metformin/Clomid combination that scored us Nicky for THREE full cycles. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zero.
Ovaries: "No eggs for you!"
Now we're on a break for at least one cycle. I was too busy last week with being sick to even think about calling to see what we'd do next so I don't even know what my next steps will be. I'm still on the Metformin, so I suppose it's possible (though remotely) that just that could result in an egg drop, but I'll not be holding my breath.
Depressing as it is, and it is, I do have to say that infertility issues this time are not anywhere NEAR as painful as they were before we had Nicky. I've read on message boards and such that secondary infertility, or problems having a subsequent child, were just as horrible as trying to have your first. I privately doubted it, but didn't ever say so, since from my perspective of having no kids I couldn't really tell what someone could be going through.
But I am standing up now and proclaiming that once you've had one child, infertility is NOT the same. Because you know what? I can pee on my stick, see that lonely single line and then go hug my boy. Even if we never get pregnant again, I have been able to experience pregnancy and childbirth and have my precious boy. It just doesn't hurt as much this time.
Now I'm not trying to be cavalier about someone's very real pain. Infertility does hurt. It hurts to feel betrayed by your body, to feel you have a piece of yourself, your family, missing. But from my point of view, from having 11 years of no pregnancy, no baby, and after a while, no hope of a baby...well this isn't nearly as bad.
But it still sucks.
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